Coping With Brachymetatarsia

The other day I took my mother to the podiatrist to have her normal toes trimmed. In the 47 years of my life, I had NEVER visited a podiatrist…EVER. Since I discovered my Brachy at around 9 years of age, you would think I would have made at least one visit by now. But I was too ashamed to see a doctor, as I thought it was an unexplainable freak of nature. At this medical visit, I was determined to get to the bottom of this mystery about my feet. No one in my immediate biological family had this condition, nor did my husband or two children (Thank God!). When the doctor told me the name of this defect and told me I could find more information about it on the internet, I was elated.

Reading stories that I can identify with and seeing pictures of other people who have this defect have validated my shame and years of hiding my feet. This year, however, I became tired of hiding them with socks or closed-toe shoes. I wanted to wear flip flops in the summer, too. My feet have begun to hurt me, and I wanted to be comfortable, as well as stylish. So I have been wearing flip flops or sandals that expose my entire foot. And YES, I am very aware of people staring, but I decided that after 47 years, I deserve to feel free with my feet like everyone else. I can’t tell you (and I’m sure you all will agree) of the years of embarassment and shame in hiding. Putting socks on in my own home when guests would visit. It was ridiculous! I was uncomfortable with my feet in my own home! I’m not out of the woods yet, though. I won’t expose my feet where I KNOW I will feel more embarassed and ridiculed (like on my job in a high school).

I am thinking about the surgery, but am concerned about my age and the recovery process. Also, not to mention the financial debt it could place me in! Nevertheless, I am glad to hear that there is a way to correct it.

As I look at my husband and children’s feet, I am so glad they are normal. I have often found myself gazing at their feet, wondering how did I get picked for this freakish abnormality? I knew of no one that had this, and in the 47 years of my life, I had only seen one person with this defect. A complete stranger at a dance class in NYC. When I think about my potential career in dance cut short because I was ashamed to expose my feet (and in dance, you MUST dance barefoot at some point!). So I stopped dancing. The swim classes I didn’t attend because my classmates called attention to my toes and embarassed me with their staring. The many activities and opportunities I avoided, just because it involved exposing my feet. It has been 47 years of torment. But not anymore. I’ve chosen, for the most part, to ignore the stares at my feet for now. Some days are better than others, but I’m working on it day by day. (And I’ve had a pedicure done for myself for the first time. It felt great and weird, but I was glad to overcome the fear of doing it.

I am so glad to have found out about Brachymetatarsia It puts a name to all we’ve been going through…our silent shame. And I am also very glad to read the stories of the forum members. I was in tears reading them, because for years I thought I was the only human being that had this condition. It’s more than wonderful to know I am not alone.

Who knows, I may take up dancing again (smile)! Stay strong, fellow Brachy soldiers!