I have had RLS over 30 years, well I know that now. Back when I first started having the symptoms, there was no doctor’s who knew what the heck I was talking about when I told them I could not keep my feet and legs still. They treated me for “nerves” and said it was all in my mind so they gave me every medicine known to man for my “nerves”… Valium, Ativan,all of the “Ils” like Restoril, Elevil, Flexoril, and so many other kinds of medicines, I cannot begin to remember them all. All the while of course if you know about RLS today, you know you don’t take those kinds of medicines without it making your RLS worse because the more relaxed, the sleepier you get, the worse the symptoms.

Well, they got worse alright, I would be so sleepy but my legs weren’t, they had been kicked into high gear, No pun intended! I could not stand to stay in bed, I had to get up and walk. Now you do that with all of those meds in you and you are worse than a sleep walker, at least they have a sense of direction. I would literally wake myself up walking into a wall. I have cried because I would be so tired and wanting so badly to be able to sleep. I still do that today out of complete exhaustion and desperation.

Of course, today…well 3 1/2 years ago when I moved to Oklahoma City USA, I found a doctor who treated me and started me on meds that has brought me up to the present without me losing my mind. But now the meds are beginning to lost their effectiveness, I need more now…much more! I am so tired…so very tired, hence my name. After 30 years of this? My husband says even though I finally go off to sleep, my legs are still at it. And now I don’t just have it in my legs, it is in my arms, shoulders, neck…I bet I look like a complete wacko to him.

Oh yeah,today I have Asthma Emphysema/COPD and Severe Obstructive Sleep Apnea (sleep study showed 100 mind wakes per hour which means my mind would arouse me because I had stopped breathing 100 times in an hour all through the night)so my doc says I must wear a mask or have a tracheotomy! So…I wear a CPAP mask! Now imagine what I look like to my poor hubby. Anyway, I could care less about that by now as sleep and rest is my uppermost thoughts. I am not sure how much longer I can go on. My feet and legs are so swollen most of the time and I can barely walk…forgot to mention that I was recently diagnosed with Diabetes.

I have lost some of the feelings in my feet close to where my toes join and most all of the feeling in my toes. I have high blood pressure and in August of 2008 I had back surgery for a fusion of C3/C4. Okay maybe there is not enough room for me to share my story completely so I will say this: for 30 years I have suffered depression to some extent steadily getting worse with every passing day, every new “condition”, every major life changing event like bad divorce, loss of my mother (and many deaths within a very short period of time including my brother). 911 goes without saying but my point is this…I believe that most all of my “conditions” today, with the exception of the COPD which was caused by smoking, were all caused by my sleep apnea which was in the form of loud snoring from as far back as I can remember. So the sleep deprivation started almost 40 years ago.

I feel like Rip Van Winkle in reverse. Can you imagine the exhaustion I feel? I don’t think there is anyone who can help me. I feel like I am going to die and I guess my depression has overcome me. I lost my job this past Monday because my sales were at an all time low. Well, I don’t wonder…I fell asleep at my desk, I fell asleep sitting at a light on the way there, it is hard to live day to day when I can’t think straight, I get so confused, I feel so lost.

The only light in my life that keeps me going is my little grandson whose face lights up my day. He is 3 and he adores Nana. Of course my two girls are my life too but they don’t need me anymore. My husband doesn’t need me or want me anymore…who would want to live with me? All I do is complain so he listens to NONE of it. He has no compassion cause he says I have too much, too many things wrong. So, I live my life singing on a website online and have several friends that I have met there. If anyone out there knows anything that might help me to rest after all of my years…please tell me. Thank you for your attention to this near novel. Sharon (SoVeryTired)